I love to take personality quizzes.  Or just quizzes in general.  (Yes, I’m geeky like that!)  One that I recently re-took was the Myers-Briggs MBTI® assessment, and sure enough, I was still an ESTJ.  Feedback from this particular version highlighted that for us ESTJs,

“Their desire to get things done may mean that they ignore the niceties, the softer issues, and they tend not to be so well tuned in to how other people are feeling.”

I’m not proud of it, but that statement rings true!  Not that I want to be a jerk (really, I’m a friendly person), but if I’m not careful, I can come across as cold and unfeeling when focused on a task.  Yet, in my professional life, I gained the reputation for being an extremely diplomatic, thoughtful email writer.  Someone who could broach difficult topics and still not ruffle feathers.  So what gives?

1. I’m aware of my natural tendency to ignore the “soft” stuff.
2. Because of #1, I work hard to address it because I know it affects my relationships.  Especially in email, being blunt or overly direct can be perceived as rude – and that isn’t how I want to be perceived.
3. I recognize that email gives me the benefit of editing before I hit “send.”  Instead of a blunt remark that might accidentally slip out of my mouth, I easily tweak or remove a harsh-sounding sentence from my email.
   

Why am I sharing this?  Because you can take advantage of the same three steps to smooth out rough spots in your emails.  Be aware of your natural tendencies and address the ones that harm your effectiveness by learning corrective techniques and editing your emails.  Let’s be clear - I’m not advocating that you shy away from your personality.  However, your tendency to be direct doesn’t give you license to be rude.  Or just because you aren’t a linear thinker doesn’t mean you can’t try to present information in an organized way.  For help smoothing out these areas, check out past posts on Tone and Organization (read the 2nd solution).

Once you are familiar with your natural tendencies (and if you aren’t already, now’s a great time to get feedback from your boss and some trusted coworkers), embrace continual improvement of your skills.  What might seem unnatural at first will become second nature over time.  Have a specific area you’d like covered?  Leave a note in the comments or reach out to Cheryl@EmailLemonade.com to let me know how I can help!

 

I’m a fan of the McDonald’s southwest salad as a quick, healthy lunch, so I regularly go through the drive-thru at my local establishment.   What’s even better than the salad, though, is the boost I get from the drive-thru attendants.  Every single time they collect my money and hand over the food, they tell me, “We appreciate you!”  They don’t rush through it or deliver the message in a monotone voice.  Their appreciation really sounds genuine.  Frankly, they could screw up my order and I wouldn’t mind because of how good they make me feel. 

Maybe those three words – we appreciate you – don’t sound like a big deal, but can you remember the last time a coworker told you that you were appreciated?  What about the last time you told your coworkers that you appreciated them?  For many of us, these simple exchanges don’t occur nearly as often as they should.  Verbally communicating appreciation is fantastic, but don’t forget about incorporating messages of appreciation into your emails, as well.  Thanks to my local McDonald’s, here are three lessons to remember:

1. Telling someone that you appreciate him/her makes an impact.  Whether it simply adds to the positive tone of your email, or it gives the person a much-needed boost during a crappy day, those words matter.
2. Once isn’t enough.  Make appreciation a regular part of your communication.  The wow-factor of hearing “We appreciate you!” in the drive-thru has never worn off, and it won’t wear off from your communication either.  Just make sure you keep it genuine.
3. When you regularly make people feel good, they are more forgiving of your mistakes.  There’s certainly a limit – all the goodwill in the world can’t make up for complete incompetence.  However, the inevitable mistake here and there is less likely to do permanent damage to the relationship.
   

They are simple lessons, but they have a big impact.  So get out there and tell your coworkers that you appreciate them (today – not later!).  Thank them for the quick response, or tell them you appreciated getting the data in such an organized way.  Express appreciation for both the big things and the little things.  We don’t always see an immediate payoff – especially with email – but I promise that you’ll be making a difference.

From my standpoint, thank you for reading this post.  Please know that I appreciate every set of eyes, every “like” or tweet, every comment, and every time you share my writing with others.  And to the McDonald’s in Belmont, NC, I appreciate you, too!

For the record, no, this is not a paid endorsement of McDonald’s!  My love for their southwest salad (w/ grilled chicken) is real, and so is the appreciation that they express every day to their customers in Belmont, NC.

Email is more than just email.  And if you work on a global team, the sooner you realize this truth, the better.  Beyond a simple exchange of information, it’s about building rapport, creating goodwill, and strengthening relationships.  After all, ignoring someone on another continent is much easier than ignoring someone down the hall.  It helps to give those international colleagues every reason to want to work with you.  Part 1 – Time Management and Part 2 - Clarity of this series are a great start, but if you don’t pay attention to your tone, you’ll only get so far.  That’s why I’m giving you three tone-helpers you’ll use every day:

When questioning content, avoid the word “you.”  It’s a tiny word with a huge impact.  Especially in written form, it sounds accusatory and immediately puts someone on the defensive.  Check out these examples and think about which version you’d rather receive:

The “You” Version:  Why did you write the report this way?
The Alternative:  Why was the report written this way?

The “You” Version:  I don’t understand why you reached out to her.
The Alternative:  Could you help me understand why she was contacted?

The “You” Version:  You made a mistake in the 2nd paragraph.
The Alternative:  There was a mistake in the 2nd paragraph.

If you’re like most people, you’d rather receive the alternative version.  Thankfully, there’s always a way to remove the “you,” so watch for those opportunities and you’ll maintain valuable goodwill.

When communicating even slightly unpleasant information, using the “good-bad-good” formula is the way to go.  There are real people on the other end of the “send” button, and you will get a lot further if you allow them to save face.  Here’s how to do it:

1.     Express appreciation and/or gratitude.
2.     Share the less pleasant news.
3.     End on a positive note by expressing your appreciation and/or gratitude again.

Simple examples of the good/bad/good formula in action:

Thanks so much for sharing these ideas.  Because of the tight timeline, we won’t be able to incorporate them into this project, but we will definitely consider them for the next one.  We really appreciate hearing your thoughts, so if anything else comes to mind, please don’t hesitate to be in touch.

I really appreciate your hard work on the brochure.  It looks great!  I only noticed one small issue – could the phone number please be adjusted to 555-223-7469?  Thanks for all your help!

It’s better to ask than to demand.  “Would you please send the report by Monday?” sounds much more pleasant than “Send the report by Monday.”  Both sentences convey the same information, but given the choice, most of us would rather be asked than told.  Start paying attention to how often you are making demands and see if you can’t turn more of those statements into questions.


In Part 1, I shared how I led a US-based team that worked with 20 other offices around the world.  We didn’t get to see people from the other offices very often, but on one of those few occasions, a team member from Australia thanked me.  Why?  He appreciated our emails!  He said they always showed that we cared about him and his team.  It was gratifying to hear that our email efforts had paid off.  A huge part of showing that we cared came from our tone – and the use of the tips I’ve shared here.

Never forget the human element of email.  Sometimes the distance of global teams makes it easier to overlook, but I assure you that there’s still a person with feelings on the other end.  Show them that you care by paying attention to your tone.  It makes more of an impact that you realize.

I had always been conscientious when it came to email, but working internationally took my focus to another level.  Since email was the main day-to-day communication method, I realized that my words had to work even harder.  I gave a lot of thought to questions like:

How can I build a strong relationship with someone I’ve never met?
How can I save time?
How can my emails serve the other person so that we’ll both get the best outcome?

Over time, I embraced and developed a number of practices that produced fantastic results.  I’m breaking the essentials into a 3-part series – starting with time management.  If you don’t communicate internationally, no problem.  I've found that the best practices from international communication also apply to domestic emails, so these tips will be helpful whether you work in one time zone or ten.

Respond to emails within 24 hours. 
I used to manage a US-based team that was the communication hub for a network of offices around the world.  (We were the corporate office, but we didn’t like to refer to ourselves that way.  It sounded too…corporate.  Maybe there’s another lesson.)  I’ll never forget when the manager of our Hong Kong office told me that we were the best “home office” she had ever worked with.  She was only a few months into the job, but she was already paying us this high compliment.  The main reason?  We were responsive to emails.  When she – or anyone else – reached out to us, we had a response to her inbox by the time she came into work the next day.

The 24-hour responsiveness guideline is a great way to quickly build credibility – and start relationships on the right foot.  You may not have the answer yet, but at least acknowledge the email and buy yourself some time.  No one wants to feel like their message went into a black hole, and this feeling is only exacerbated with large time zone differences.  Being responsive lets people know there is a thoughtful human being behind the computer. 

Preemptively answer questions.
With a little extra thought on the front end, you can often save a whole extra day of back-and-forth.  Think about the questions your readers might have as a result of your email – and go ahead and answer them.  Put yourself in their shoes.  What might they be wondering?  Did you explain why you needed X?  Did you give enough information for them to do Y?  Are there next steps you can communicate as a result of them doing A or B?  Obviously you don’t want to turn your email into a 10-page manual, but preemptively answering basic questions will save time for both of you.

Respond to the real need or question – not just the one that appears at first glance.
Sometimes people have a hard time expressing what they need, and if you read their email too quickly, you’re going to miss the true request.  Especially if they are writing in a non-native language, some deciphering may be involved.  (Before you get judgmental, try writing an email in their native language.)  Other times, they will ask for one thing, but if you take the time to truly understand the email, it’s apparent that they are getting at a separate issue.  It’s time well spent.  You’ll save at least another day of additional back and forth, as well as earn a reputation for being helpful and smart. 


Stay tuned for Part 2 - Clarity!

Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A:  One bite at a time.

When facing a big project, many of us learned this little lesson from a more experienced colleague.  It’s a lesson that comes to mind when I ponder the state of email frustration in the workplace.  How do we bring about big enough change?  What will it take for the masses to become more thoughtful, effective communicators?  It’s an elephant of a problem.  But here’s the key: each one of us is a bite.  We can all contribute toward a more positive email dynamic in the workplace – both through our own emails and through being a good influence on others.  (And for those of you with direct reports, you have an amazing opportunity to cause even greater change.)

There are lots of tips and tricks for writing good emails, but I believe that real change starts with adopting the right mindset.  Here’s your new mantra:

1.    We are all ambassadors.  When you send an email, you are representing yourself, your team, and your company.  Just like you wouldn’t show up to a state dinner in sweatpants, it’s critical to make sure your emails are “dressed” properly for each occasion. Being an ambassador is a serious responsibility, and you have to take pride in what you are putting into the world.

2.    Each email is a miniature goodwill mission.  Every email should work to build positive momentum and strengthen your relationship with the readers.  Whether you are responding to a request or moving your own agenda forward, you should handle it in a way that makes your readers feel good and lets them maintain their dignity.

When you adopt this mindset, if shifts your perspective.  Suddenly, you’ll start thinking about your email from the readers’ viewpoint.  You’ll make sure the tone is positive.  You’ll make sure the message is clear and easy to read.  You’ll make sure that your remarks are adding value instead of just another email to their inbox.  It becomes less about “you” and more about “we.”

We’ve accepted email drudgery as the norm, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  Imagine if every email you received were helpful. One more time – imagine if every email you received were helpful.

Let it sink in…

Think how much more positive the work environment would be.  Think about how much more you could accomplish – either personally or professionally.

Don’t settle for less!  Be an ambassador.  Set an example.  It’s starts with you.  And me.  Together, we just might change the world.

I recently caught up with two avid readers of The Fresh Squeeze blog.  While chatting about some recent posts (The Brain Dump being especially popular), they mentioned being more conscious – and stressed – about trying to send “perfect” emails.

I often have similar anxiety.  After all, if I teach email skills for a living, don’t all of my emails have to be “perfect?”

Thankfully, the answer is “no.”

What I told these readers (and remind myself) is that email perfection isn’t the ultimate goal.  Perfection is a tyrannical standard, and seeking it with our daily emails can even be counterproductive.  Although I’m a huge advocate of being thoughtful with our email habits, if we spend too much time agonizing over every message, we’ll never get anything done.

Instead, our goal is to establish a pattern of excellence.  It’s a balance of aiming for perfection but not beating ourselves up when mistakes happen.  When we establish a pattern of excellence:

1.    Most of our emails will be really good.  We’ll have a spot-on subject line, include the right people, write a solid message, and choose the appropriate level of responsiveness.

2.    We’ll nail it when the stakes are high.  Yeah, in these cases, it’s ok to agonize over the email.  Whether it’s establishing a new relationship or an important update to the boss, we do want the email to be perfect.  We’ll carefully craft every sentence and use the most stringent level of proofreading. 

3.    At some point we'll send an "email lemon," but our readers will cut us some slack.  Instead of silently cursing us, they’ll just assume we’re having a rough week.  Plus, because we’ve cultivated such good email habits, our lemons are more likely to be smaller issues like delayed responses or typos – not ugly, relationship-damaging mistakes.

So go ahead – shake off some of that stress.

Just don't forget that our emails are so much more than mundane office tasks.  They directly impact our effectiveness, our personal brands, and our relationships.  While absolute perfection isn't the goal, we also shouldn’t settle for anything less than a pattern of excellence.  Every email is a chance to be better, so start your pattern today!