A few months ago, I inquired about an assistant professor position at a local college.  It’s a role I’d been interested in, and it seemed like a good complement for Email Lemonade.  Being considered was a long shot since I didn’t have the required doctoral degree, but since I had other respectable qualifications, I decided to go for it anyway.

The inevitable rejection email came last week – and surprisingly, it put a smile on my face.  No, I’m not one of those people who enjoys pain.  It’s just that this was the nicest rejection email I’d ever received.  Why?  Read on for the original email (used with permission, but identifying details removed) and then see why the bolded phrases make it so special.  We can all learn from this email!

I’m a fan of the McDonald’s southwest salad as a quick, healthy lunch, so I regularly go through the drive-thru at my local establishment.   What’s even better than the salad, though, is the boost I get from the drive-thru attendants.  Every single time they collect my money and hand over the food, they tell me, “We appreciate you!”  They don’t rush through it or deliver the message in a monotone voice.  Their appreciation really sounds genuine.  Frankly, they could screw up my order and I wouldn’t mind because of how good they make me feel. 

Maybe those three words – we appreciate you – don’t sound like a big deal, but can you remember the last time a coworker told you that you were appreciated?  What about the last time you told your coworkers that you appreciated them?  For many of us, these simple exchanges don’t occur nearly as often as they should.  Verbally communicating appreciation is fantastic, but don’t forget about incorporating messages of appreciation into your emails, as well.  Thanks to my local McDonald’s, here are three lessons to remember:

1. Telling someone that you appreciate him/her makes an impact.  Whether it simply adds to the positive tone of your email, or it gives the person a much-needed boost during a crappy day, those words matter.
2. Once isn’t enough.  Make appreciation a regular part of your communication.  The wow-factor of hearing “We appreciate you!” in the drive-thru has never worn off, and it won’t wear off from your communication either.  Just make sure you keep it genuine.
3. When you regularly make people feel good, they are more forgiving of your mistakes.  There’s certainly a limit – all the goodwill in the world can’t make up for complete incompetence.  However, the inevitable mistake here and there is less likely to do permanent damage to the relationship.
   

They are simple lessons, but they have a big impact.  So get out there and tell your coworkers that you appreciate them (today – not later!).  Thank them for the quick response, or tell them you appreciated getting the data in such an organized way.  Express appreciation for both the big things and the little things.  We don’t always see an immediate payoff – especially with email – but I promise that you’ll be making a difference.

From my standpoint, thank you for reading this post.  Please know that I appreciate every set of eyes, every “like” or tweet, every comment, and every time you share my writing with others.  And to the McDonald’s in Belmont, NC, I appreciate you, too!

For the record, no, this is not a paid endorsement of McDonald’s!  My love for their southwest salad (w/ grilled chicken) is real, and so is the appreciation that they express every day to their customers in Belmont, NC.

Email is more than just email.  And if you work on a global team, the sooner you realize this truth, the better.  Beyond a simple exchange of information, it’s about building rapport, creating goodwill, and strengthening relationships.  After all, ignoring someone on another continent is much easier than ignoring someone down the hall.  It helps to give those international colleagues every reason to want to work with you.  Part 1 – Time Management and Part 2 - Clarity of this series are a great start, but if you don’t pay attention to your tone, you’ll only get so far.  That’s why I’m giving you three tone-helpers you’ll use every day:

When questioning content, avoid the word “you.”  It’s a tiny word with a huge impact.  Especially in written form, it sounds accusatory and immediately puts someone on the defensive.  Check out these examples and think about which version you’d rather receive:

The “You” Version:  Why did you write the report this way?
The Alternative:  Why was the report written this way?

The “You” Version:  I don’t understand why you reached out to her.
The Alternative:  Could you help me understand why she was contacted?

The “You” Version:  You made a mistake in the 2nd paragraph.
The Alternative:  There was a mistake in the 2nd paragraph.

If you’re like most people, you’d rather receive the alternative version.  Thankfully, there’s always a way to remove the “you,” so watch for those opportunities and you’ll maintain valuable goodwill.

When communicating even slightly unpleasant information, using the “good-bad-good” formula is the way to go.  There are real people on the other end of the “send” button, and you will get a lot further if you allow them to save face.  Here’s how to do it:

1.     Express appreciation and/or gratitude.
2.     Share the less pleasant news.
3.     End on a positive note by expressing your appreciation and/or gratitude again.

Simple examples of the good/bad/good formula in action:

Thanks so much for sharing these ideas.  Because of the tight timeline, we won’t be able to incorporate them into this project, but we will definitely consider them for the next one.  We really appreciate hearing your thoughts, so if anything else comes to mind, please don’t hesitate to be in touch.

I really appreciate your hard work on the brochure.  It looks great!  I only noticed one small issue – could the phone number please be adjusted to 555-223-7469?  Thanks for all your help!

It’s better to ask than to demand.  “Would you please send the report by Monday?” sounds much more pleasant than “Send the report by Monday.”  Both sentences convey the same information, but given the choice, most of us would rather be asked than told.  Start paying attention to how often you are making demands and see if you can’t turn more of those statements into questions.


In Part 1, I shared how I led a US-based team that worked with 20 other offices around the world.  We didn’t get to see people from the other offices very often, but on one of those few occasions, a team member from Australia thanked me.  Why?  He appreciated our emails!  He said they always showed that we cared about him and his team.  It was gratifying to hear that our email efforts had paid off.  A huge part of showing that we cared came from our tone – and the use of the tips I’ve shared here.

Never forget the human element of email.  Sometimes the distance of global teams makes it easier to overlook, but I assure you that there’s still a person with feelings on the other end.  Show them that you care by paying attention to your tone.  It makes more of an impact that you realize.